MOVED! (READREADREADREADREAD)

Hey, kids! I've officially moved the blog over to Wordpress! Why? Because Blogger (While I love Google with all my nerdy-soul) SUCKS ASS!

Anyways! You can now find I Hate My Life And This Music Tells Me Why at Wordpress! (Click here) See you all over there!

A Little Something For Shits And Giggles

Somethin' silly I found on College Humor - One of the greatest comedy sites EVAR.

Viens, m'enculer! The video is too large for the post's physical size, so! Here's a direct link; http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1913069

Cruel as this is, it's very true. How ironic is it that the song parodied is Octopus' Garden, one of the few songs Ringo wrote? Well, with a bit of assistance from George. Well, you know what, College Humor? I think Ringo was cool! So, there!


...anyways... I'll make a real post eventually. Just... not right now. I'm on break for five days, so one or two posts may show up in that time. 

Review - Black Sails At Midnight

Alestorm is what could only be described as Pastafarian holy music - I.E., it's Pirate Metal. Yes, you read that right, Pirate Metal. It does exist, and these guys are the biggest name in this practically non-existent subgenre. Originally going by the name of Battleheart, Alestorm has toured the world, conquering the lands with their pirate-themed lyrics and instrumentals, and definitely enjoying a bottle of rum-or-eighty along the way. Black Sails At Midnight is the second record these Heavy Metal pirates have put out, and while it isn't quite everything that Captain Morgan's Revenge was, it's still a fun album and quite the hearty adventure.

To start off; the first thing you'll notice about these sea-dogs is the raspy, cliché pirate vocals. Christopher Bowes (Who also rocks the keytar) has one of the greatest pirate impressions ever, and while his vocals aren't exactly qualified as "singing", it's still epic... Oh, who am I kidding? It's awful. But, dear God, man, it's PIRATE METAL! There's nothing more awesome! While this sounds silly; he gets the points on vocals just because he can make himself sound like a pirate. He also does some amazing work with that keytar, some of the solos he rips are just badass.

Unfortunately; in both Bowes' lyrics, and the instrumentals, the songs start to sound rather similar before long. One can only talk about the life of a pirate for so long before he starts rambling on and on. Sadly, that's exactly what happens here, though. Although they pick it back up with the song Weiber Und Wein, which, as the title suggests, is sung completely in German. Perhaps an unintentional reference to The Beatles? Who re-recorded several of their songs into German? Who knows? Who really cares, either? It's still awesome.

But, while the songs start to blend a bit, one cannot deny just how fun this music is. I'll say it again; it's freaking PIRATE METAL. You have to be truly awful to fuck up something as awesome as that. If you're ever in need of a good, hearty laugh, turn on the Alestorm, 'cause they'll make you laugh. Sadly; there were a few moments where it stopped being funny, and just made me go WTF. To The End Of Our Days is a prime example. The chorus features all of the members chanting about sitting on the bottom decks of their ships waiting to die, and it just all goes in such a way that makes you think "Please, don't let these guys be serious..." I'm not sure if they're being serious at all through this, but that song makes you think it, and it's painful.

For another act of disappointment, do me a favor. Go find the song No Quarter off of this album and listen to it, mainly focusing on the guitar part.. Now, go listen to the main theme from Pirates Of The Caribbean. They sound disturbingly similar. I was quite saddened by this display of sheer laziness, and what some would call plagiarism. The song Black Sails At Midnight also sounds a lot like a song from their previous album, entitled Set Sail, And Conquer!


But, if you're able to shake off these few flops, Black Sails At Midnight is a fun, silly album that is sure to put you in a good mood. And, remember, it's freakin' PIRATE METAL!!!!!!!!!! What could possibly be more awesome than that!?

Final Score; 6/10

Review - Ocean Eyes

Pop is a genre that I've never really enjoyed - with the exception of Michael Jackson - especially as we've delved into this more modern age of the genre. Auto-tune, generic synthesizer sounds, and a mainly sex-focused lyrical style has really made this previously glorious genre fall flat on it's face into a bed of spikes.

That is, until Adam Young had some awful insomnia.

Owl City is now another artist I can add to my very small list of exceptions that I can make for pop. It's a rare occasion that I set aside my hatred for this genre because one particular artist struck my ears the right way. But, Adam Young and his Owl City deserves it even more than the King of Pop himself. Ocean Eyes is the second album produced by Young, and while it is not without it's drawbacks, it is definitely one to hear.

One thing that I noticed that was completely impossible to not notice would be just how goddamn perky this music is, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing. The instrumentals are very high and cheerful, dancing about your ear drums in some of the most pleasurable manners imaginable. And the lyrics can only be described as fantastical, singing on and on about a trip to the dentist, or being taught how to dance by ten-million fireflies. It is made clear very early into the album that Adam Young has one of the most active imaginations in the world. Ocean Eyes is going in my list of albums to listen to whenever I'm in a bad mood, and it should find it's way there in your library as well.

Another thing that completely blew me away was the inclusion of auto-tune. Why did this blow me away? I just said that pop was being plagued by this tool of the devil, so why would it surprise me so that it was used? Well, it wasn't the fact that it was used that surprised me; it was the fact that this is the only time I've ever heard auto-tune and enjoyed it. Adam Young's voice is the only one I've ever heard that fits with the sound of auto-tuning. And, honestly, it's kind of hard to notice at points. I often forgot that the tool was even being used in the first place. So, either Adam is already in tune most of the time, or he really didn't use it all that much. Either way; it sounded amazing.

Unfortunately, Ocean Eyes, like any good album, must have it's downsides. Fortunately, there's only one. By the fifth or sixth track, you're really going to start wondering why all of these songs sound so similar. I often lost track of which song I was listening to, simply because I couldn't even tell that the last one had ended. One could say that this isn't exactly a bad thing; because they're all beautiful songs, but I was left wanting a little more variety in the sound. The lyrics definitely differ greatly though. There's some bonus points in here simply for the song Dental Care, which is, as the title suggests, about going to the dentist.

Overall, Ocean Eyes is definitely a success. Anyone who heard and enjoyed the single Fireflies needs to give this entire album a listen, as you'll likely enjoy it as much as the single. While the similarity of the songs is a bit discouraging, the creativity, perky-ness, and musical massage you receive from listening to this album are all worth that one minor drawback. Give Ocean Eyes a listen, whether you like pop or not.

     TL;DR Version:
The Good:

• Perky, fun sound.
• Only artist to ever make auto-tune sound good.
• Very creative lyrics that keep you interested.

The Bad:

• It doesn't take long for the songs to start sounding the same.

Final Score: 9/10