MOVED! (READREADREADREADREAD)

Hey, kids! I've officially moved the blog over to Wordpress! Why? Because Blogger (While I love Google with all my nerdy-soul) SUCKS ASS!

Anyways! You can now find I Hate My Life And This Music Tells Me Why at Wordpress! (Click here) See you all over there!

A Little Something For Shits And Giggles

Somethin' silly I found on College Humor - One of the greatest comedy sites EVAR.

Viens, m'enculer! The video is too large for the post's physical size, so! Here's a direct link; http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1913069

Cruel as this is, it's very true. How ironic is it that the song parodied is Octopus' Garden, one of the few songs Ringo wrote? Well, with a bit of assistance from George. Well, you know what, College Humor? I think Ringo was cool! So, there!


...anyways... I'll make a real post eventually. Just... not right now. I'm on break for five days, so one or two posts may show up in that time. 

Review - Black Sails At Midnight

Alestorm is what could only be described as Pastafarian holy music - I.E., it's Pirate Metal. Yes, you read that right, Pirate Metal. It does exist, and these guys are the biggest name in this practically non-existent subgenre. Originally going by the name of Battleheart, Alestorm has toured the world, conquering the lands with their pirate-themed lyrics and instrumentals, and definitely enjoying a bottle of rum-or-eighty along the way. Black Sails At Midnight is the second record these Heavy Metal pirates have put out, and while it isn't quite everything that Captain Morgan's Revenge was, it's still a fun album and quite the hearty adventure.

To start off; the first thing you'll notice about these sea-dogs is the raspy, cliché pirate vocals. Christopher Bowes (Who also rocks the keytar) has one of the greatest pirate impressions ever, and while his vocals aren't exactly qualified as "singing", it's still epic... Oh, who am I kidding? It's awful. But, dear God, man, it's PIRATE METAL! There's nothing more awesome! While this sounds silly; he gets the points on vocals just because he can make himself sound like a pirate. He also does some amazing work with that keytar, some of the solos he rips are just badass.

Unfortunately; in both Bowes' lyrics, and the instrumentals, the songs start to sound rather similar before long. One can only talk about the life of a pirate for so long before he starts rambling on and on. Sadly, that's exactly what happens here, though. Although they pick it back up with the song Weiber Und Wein, which, as the title suggests, is sung completely in German. Perhaps an unintentional reference to The Beatles? Who re-recorded several of their songs into German? Who knows? Who really cares, either? It's still awesome.

But, while the songs start to blend a bit, one cannot deny just how fun this music is. I'll say it again; it's freaking PIRATE METAL. You have to be truly awful to fuck up something as awesome as that. If you're ever in need of a good, hearty laugh, turn on the Alestorm, 'cause they'll make you laugh. Sadly; there were a few moments where it stopped being funny, and just made me go WTF. To The End Of Our Days is a prime example. The chorus features all of the members chanting about sitting on the bottom decks of their ships waiting to die, and it just all goes in such a way that makes you think "Please, don't let these guys be serious..." I'm not sure if they're being serious at all through this, but that song makes you think it, and it's painful.

For another act of disappointment, do me a favor. Go find the song No Quarter off of this album and listen to it, mainly focusing on the guitar part.. Now, go listen to the main theme from Pirates Of The Caribbean. They sound disturbingly similar. I was quite saddened by this display of sheer laziness, and what some would call plagiarism. The song Black Sails At Midnight also sounds a lot like a song from their previous album, entitled Set Sail, And Conquer!


But, if you're able to shake off these few flops, Black Sails At Midnight is a fun, silly album that is sure to put you in a good mood. And, remember, it's freakin' PIRATE METAL!!!!!!!!!! What could possibly be more awesome than that!?

Final Score; 6/10

Review - Ocean Eyes

Pop is a genre that I've never really enjoyed - with the exception of Michael Jackson - especially as we've delved into this more modern age of the genre. Auto-tune, generic synthesizer sounds, and a mainly sex-focused lyrical style has really made this previously glorious genre fall flat on it's face into a bed of spikes.

That is, until Adam Young had some awful insomnia.

Owl City is now another artist I can add to my very small list of exceptions that I can make for pop. It's a rare occasion that I set aside my hatred for this genre because one particular artist struck my ears the right way. But, Adam Young and his Owl City deserves it even more than the King of Pop himself. Ocean Eyes is the second album produced by Young, and while it is not without it's drawbacks, it is definitely one to hear.

One thing that I noticed that was completely impossible to not notice would be just how goddamn perky this music is, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing. The instrumentals are very high and cheerful, dancing about your ear drums in some of the most pleasurable manners imaginable. And the lyrics can only be described as fantastical, singing on and on about a trip to the dentist, or being taught how to dance by ten-million fireflies. It is made clear very early into the album that Adam Young has one of the most active imaginations in the world. Ocean Eyes is going in my list of albums to listen to whenever I'm in a bad mood, and it should find it's way there in your library as well.

Another thing that completely blew me away was the inclusion of auto-tune. Why did this blow me away? I just said that pop was being plagued by this tool of the devil, so why would it surprise me so that it was used? Well, it wasn't the fact that it was used that surprised me; it was the fact that this is the only time I've ever heard auto-tune and enjoyed it. Adam Young's voice is the only one I've ever heard that fits with the sound of auto-tuning. And, honestly, it's kind of hard to notice at points. I often forgot that the tool was even being used in the first place. So, either Adam is already in tune most of the time, or he really didn't use it all that much. Either way; it sounded amazing.

Unfortunately, Ocean Eyes, like any good album, must have it's downsides. Fortunately, there's only one. By the fifth or sixth track, you're really going to start wondering why all of these songs sound so similar. I often lost track of which song I was listening to, simply because I couldn't even tell that the last one had ended. One could say that this isn't exactly a bad thing; because they're all beautiful songs, but I was left wanting a little more variety in the sound. The lyrics definitely differ greatly though. There's some bonus points in here simply for the song Dental Care, which is, as the title suggests, about going to the dentist.

Overall, Ocean Eyes is definitely a success. Anyone who heard and enjoyed the single Fireflies needs to give this entire album a listen, as you'll likely enjoy it as much as the single. While the similarity of the songs is a bit discouraging, the creativity, perky-ness, and musical massage you receive from listening to this album are all worth that one minor drawback. Give Ocean Eyes a listen, whether you like pop or not.

     TL;DR Version:
The Good:

• Perky, fun sound.
• Only artist to ever make auto-tune sound good.
• Very creative lyrics that keep you interested.

The Bad:

• It doesn't take long for the songs to start sounding the same.

Final Score: 9/10

I'm Giddy

First of all; I apologize for the minimal post count recently. I'm looking for some time to get a few posts in. I'll list what those are at the end of this one. This is just a short little post to explain why I be giddy.

If you saw my recent feature on local band Violetta, you would know that their EP, Are We There Yet? is fucking awesome. Well, a few days ago, I came across this tweet from vocalist Brooke Weirick. That's totally my review she's linking too. Commence nerdgasm.

Well, today, after seeing an announcement in the form of a MySpace name change that Violetta was working on a FULL-LENGTH ALBUM (Commence 2nd fangasm), I went to look at their blog about. Guess what I, once again, found a link to? My goddamn review. I'm in a complete state of euphoria over this. I'm absolutely, completely and utterly geeking out right now. I'm just... ohmahgawd... If you were in my shoes, you'd be doing the same, trust me. This is so awesome, knowing that an artist read a review by a blogger with a fanbase of twelve people's review of them. It's just... GAWD I LOVE IT!

Ah... okay. Fangasming over now. ANYWAYS... for the list of upcoming (Hopefully) posts:

• Review of Epica's Design Your Universe
• Review of Dethklok's The Dethalbum II
• Review of Owl City's Ocean Eyes
• Review of Cage The Elephant's self-titled debut album.
• Feature on The Beatles
• Feature on Dope
• Local Flare feature on Though She Wrote.

See you all later! Rock on.

We'll Carry On

Back when I first started this blog about two months ago, I talked about My Chemical Romance, and how they're the music that makes me feel better about life, with their motivational lyrics and up-beat guitar riffs.

Well, a little under a month before that post - or this blog - existed, my grandmother went to the hospital due to some major issues with her bowel system. The endeavour ended in her colon being removed, and she was in the hospital, followed by a rehabilitation facility, for about two weeks after.

Begin downward spiral.

After her leave, she only got worse, she was malnourished, and complained of an awful taste in her mouth, and lack of appetite. It wasn't long before she was back in the hospital from a lowering blood pressure. Doctors soon figured out that it was something with her inhaler, the fact that she was on oxygen, and a couple of other factors, that were bringing that bad taste and lack of appetite. Another week in the hospital, and back to that rehab center, and she's home again. Does better at home this time.

She goes again. Vomiting, this time, had a major blockage in her digestive system. Had more surgery, and just like the colon removal, came out like a "rockstar", as her surgeon, Dr. Slam (Greatest. Name. EVER.) called her.

Funny thing, rockstars. They come in all different shapes and sizes - trust me, just look at MySpace. No one would ever expect a rockstar to be an eighty-one year old grandmother in the hospital. But you see a lot of rockers going out in the same way; Drugs, violence, self-destruction. Kurt Cobain shot himself, Jimi Hendrix finally lost after years and years of drug abuse, Elvis was the same. But, my grandmother wasn't a Jimi Hendrix or a Kurt Cobain. She was a George Harrison. As I'm sure you know; George passed away quietly after a long battle with lung cancer in 2001.

If I haven't made it clear to you already; On October 17th, 2009, 8:20 P.M., my grandmother passed away quietly in a hospital room, with my father, my uncle, and my grandfather at her side the entire time. Her family meant the entire world to her, and she was with them to the end. Quite literally.

October 17th, 2009, 8:20 P.M., I was putting my uniform on in the High School band room. It was the Golden Sound Showcase, the Ohio Musical Education Association competition that we hold each year. I had spent the last few hours getting the field ready for the twelve bands that would attend, and I was about ready to take to that field myself. Little did I know that my grandmother had just passed away in Mount Carmel East Hospital just a moment ago.

When I finally received word of her death, my world fell away, all of that happiness, all of that pride, all of that everything I had receieved from the day just disappeared. I cried. I had never cried harder.

After a bit of time to gather myself together, my mother's parents left, and I soon went to sleep, wanting this day to end.

3:15 A.M., October 18th, 2009. I woke up. Couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts were racing through my head. I went over to the desktop, and shifted through my library. One song popped out to me; Welcome To The Black Parade, by MCR. If you don't know the song, you should go hunt it down on YouTube or Yahoo! Music. I quietly sang the lyrics, thinking about my grandmother the whole time, and I cried again. When that epic bridge came on, with all of the sayings of self-pride and what-not, I couldn't even sing anymore. All I could do was cry. But, you know what? I felt better. I felt like she was closer to me now, even if I don't believe in the afterlife. I still felt like she was watching me.

Her life will be honored today with a visitation, and it will be the last time I see her. But, you know what? I'm not scared to see her. I want to be there for my father, and for my grandfather, and for her.

Doris Hellstrom; May 28th, 1928 - October 17th, 2009. A true rockstar. Rest in peace, Grandma, I'll never stop missing you.

"We'll carry on, we'll carry on. And though you're dead and gone, believe me, your memory will carry on."

Today In Music

Well, children, today is a momentous occasion. Why? Because there are things going on the musical world that don't relate to Miley Cyrus or Lady Gaga. In case you decided to live under a rock for the past month or so, here's what's been goin' down;

• The new Paramore album, "Brand New Eyes", was released on the 29th. Critics seem to like it. Review coming eventually.
• The new Dethklok album, "The Dethalbum II", also came out on the 29th. I want some Duncan Hills Coffee. Review to come.
• The new Muse album, "The Resistance", came out on the 19th. Much rejoice. Guess what? There'll be a review.
• Marilyn Manson got THE SWINE FLU OMGWTF PANIC(!) IN THE STREETS MARILYN MANSON HAS THE MOTHER FUCKING SWINE FLU!!!!!!!!!1111!!1one!!!! Only not. Turns out he was just being an attention hog. I still love that guy, though.
• The lead guitarist of Five Finger Death Punch, Zoltan Bathory, went missing after the release party for the band's new album. He was found two days later, and their tour started as planned. Open the sky.
• Kanye West was a serious dick and interrupted Taylor Swift as she accepted an award at the VMAs. But, of course, you already knew that. Ima let u finish!
• The new Backstreet Boys album is being enjoyed by 13-year old girls, and hated by everyone old enough to understand that AUTOTUNE SOUNDS LIKE SHIT. I want your PDA-A-A-A.
• My Chemical Romance now offers the ability to create an account on their website/blog. You can manage your own blog, make and add friends... and that's about it. Welcome to the Black Parade.
• The Mastodon/Dethklok tour is going nicely. Brent hasn't been knocked into a coma again, so that's a good start.
• Cradle of Filth announced back in August that they're going back to the studio to work on album #9. It's expected to be released sometime in 2010.
• On 9/9/09, The Beatles Remastered Collection was released. Considering it's the entire discography of the greatest band of all time, you should probably go get it right. Now. The Beatles: Rock Band was also released, and it's awesome. You should get that, too.
• brokeNCYDE still sucks ass.

Annnnnnnnnnddddd... that's it. Sorry about the short post, I need some filler as I await band to end! Once that happens, I should be able to make a lot more posts. Thanks for your patience.

Review - War Is The Answer

Five Finger Death Punch is not one of the world's best known bands. But they're certainly on their way there. They won the Metal Hammer Golden God Award for Best New Band earlier this year, and this album's single Hard To See hit #12 in the U.S. Main Rock charts. These guys have it set up for success, and their first full-length album The Way Of The Fist, was loved by critics and fans alike. Yes, it seems that Five Finger is one their way to becoming the next SlipKnot (Okay, that's a little too far). But does this new album live up to the growing reputation the band is building? You bet your ass it does.

War Is The Answer is the second album that these newcomers have released, and it's takes everything that makes FFDP great, and increases it ten-fold. Ivan's incredible screaming keeps things heavy and powerful, but is countered epicly by his singing voice, which provides a slower break from the face-melting power of most of the album. The backup vocals add a nice touch to the sound, and make it far more pleasing to the ear than if it was just Ivan's roaring.

Zoltan (Lead guitars) lets out an impressive show, the many guitar solos you hear are executed with brilliance, and he retains that metal 'twinge' that makes any metal band, a metal band. Jason Hook (rythym guitar) keeps things interesting as he, well, does his job as a rythym player. He adds some great harmony to the guitar parts, and creates that extra layer of music that sometimes is missing from metal. I'd make a comment about Matt, their bassist, but, as any good bass player knows; you can never hear him. I'm sure you'd know if they took him out, though.

And dear Lord have mercy on Jeremy Spencer's legs! That double-bass just sounds painful. But boy, is it awesome.

Really, the only thing I can say bad about War Is The Answer is this; every song follows the same pattern. "Heavy opening, verse, singing chorus, verse 2, sung chorus, bridge, repeat the chorus two or three more times." That's seriously it. Now, they do stray away from this through the songs "Hard To See," "Crossing Over", and "Canto 34". Which are mostly singing - save for Canto, which is an instrumental song.

Trust me, though, this one flaw can be overlooked while you headbang your brains out to the awesomeness of this album. Whatever you may think of Five Finger from their silly name, this is an album that any metal head needs in their collection. Get it. Now.

Key Tracks;

• Hard To See
• Dying Breed
• Bulletproof
• My Own Hell
• War Is The Answer
  

Metal: Defining The Subgenres

Metal is a genre that has far too many different sounds within it to squeeze under one common adjective. So, we make up new ones. Metal has the most sub-genres of any other musical type, and it's an extremely lengthy list. People often question exactly what kind of Metal certain bands are, and it never really is easy to classify one. Well, I'm here to try my hand at explaining each of these sub-genres, and hopefully give you a better understanding of what makes them all different from each other.


This list is taken from the Wikipedia list of Heavy Metal sub-genres. Most example bands also taken from lists on Wikipedia. The descriptions of each, however, are of my own work.

• Black Metal

Black Metal is typically very fast music, more often than not has higher-pitched screams, and tries to create a very dark atmosphere. Lyrical themes can vary from 16th century poetry to a musical biography of a serial killer. A quick way to describe Black Metal is "medieval." Example bands include; Cradle of Filth, Moonspell, and Celtic Frost.

• Death Metal

Death Metal is what one typically thinks of when they imagine modern-age Metal. Powerful and repeated drum patterns, thrashing guitars, and very deep, growling vocals are the norm. Lyrics are again variable. Example bands include; Cannibal Corpse, Death, and Morbid Angel.

• Doom Metal

Doom Metal is... complicated. Like Black Metal, Doom often strives to create a very dark or depressing atmosphere. On the contrary; it's typically slower, something it shares with Gothic Metal. Despite the often slower speeds, it's still very powerful music, with raging drums and maybe a ripping guitar solo every now-and-again. Example bands include; Skepticism, Internal Void, and My Dying Bride.

• Drone Metal

Drone Metal is basically Doom Metal, except it focuses largely on drones, which are notes sustained throughout most of a song. Example bands include; Sun O))), Black Boned Angel, and Burning Witch.

• Folk Metal

Folk Metal is what you would get if musicians from the Medieval period came to modern times and found out what electric guitars were. Go listen to some folk music, imagine that on an electric guitar, and *poof*, you have Folk Metal. Example bands include: Alestorm, Subway to Sally, and Orphaned Land.

• Glam Metal

It's pretty much every single hair-band ever. Glam Metal is what we saw a lot of in the '80s, and is what pioneered what we know as Metal today. Example bands include: Motley Crüe, Poison, and Murderdolls. 

• Gothic Metal

Very similar to Doom Metal, and often mistaken for Black Metal. Gothic Metal is often very slow, and has a large inclusion of piano parts. Unlike Doom Metal, however, it's not exactly heavy. It's very calm and moody. I tend to get depressed while listening to it. Example bands include; Moonspell, Paradise Lost, and Evanescence.

• Groove Metal

It's Thrash Metal. End of story. Example bands include; Metallica, White Zombie, and Black Sabbath.

• Industrial Metal

A cross-over of the Industrial genre, Industrial Metal incorporates a lot of synthesizer work, and overall tends to have a very electronic sound. Example bands include; Nine Inch Nails, Static-X, and Dope.

• Metalcore

Punk Rock/Thrash Metal/Extreme Metal. The end. Example bands include; Killswitch Engage, Zao, and Underoath.

• Neo-classical Metal

Beethoven meets Death Metal. Example bands include; Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Symphony X, and Rhapsody of Fire.

• Nu Metal

Nu Metal is often a cross over of metal and Alternative Rock, and it's not uncommon to hear some turntable scratches. Example bands include; Linkin Park, SlipKnot, and Hollywood Undead.

• Post-Metal

Post-Metal is a very emotional type of Metal. It's basically the metal version of Post-Rock, whatever the hell that is. Example bands include; Neuosis, Cult of Luna, and Isis.

• Power Metal

Power Metal is what you get if you tried to play a techno song on an electric guitar, and threw in a random solo in the middle. High-pitched vocals, pounding double-bass, and crazy solos are all around here. Example bands include; Dragonforce, Blind Guardian, and HammerFall.

• Progressive Metal

A bizarre twist of Progressive Rock and Metal. Prog. Metal is very unusual and unique to the rest. Odd time-signatures, a huge variety of lyrical themes, and many other little things make it an interesting sub-genre. 

• Speed Metal

Speed Metal is, as it's name implies, very fast-paced. It's instrumentals are like thrash metal sped up times-100. Example bands include; Motorhead, Annihilator, and Accept.

• Stoner Metal

You are legally required (not really) to be on drugs while writing Stoner Metal. And that's what it all sounds like. It's quite possibly the closest thing you can get to a drug-trip outside of actually smoking crack. Example bands include; Acid King, Electric Wizard, and Sons of Otis.

• Thrash Metal

Fast, aggressive, and heavy. Everything you can think of when it comes to metal. Wailing vocals, slamming double-basses, and, well... thrashing guitars are what define this genre. Example bands include; Pantera, Megadeth, and Anthrax.

So, that's it. Every single sub-genre of metal... and that only took me an hour to write. Fun. This post was originally meant to be a review of the new Five Finger Death Punch album, War Is The Answer, but I'm not feeling all that great, and my head just said "no" to listening to a metal album. Maybe tomorrow... assuming I have time.

Review - I'm Not A Fan, But The Kids Like It!

Why do I get the horrible feeling that the kids don't like it. Anyways; brokeNCYDE, a screamo-crunk (lolwut) group from Albaquerque. And they're pretty much the worst thing to happen to music in the past decade. After forming in 2006, and releasing three different EPs, brokeNCYDE finally put out their first album on June 16th, 2009.

'Tis the day that music died.

This album is what could only be described as a disgrace to all things musical. It's a mashup of everything that you should never, EVER, do when recording an album. We can all learn from the things that go on within this album. 

Let's see, where can we start with this monstrosity? I suppose the best thing to talk about are the lyrics: Allow me to sum them up in one sentence. "Fuck all 'dem bisches in da club bro." That's pretty much it. Every single song is about sex. Whether you be drunk, high, or a combination of the two while gettin' some, it's all about getting freaky. I was left desiring some... oh, I dunno, creativity in this stream of garbage. The vocals themselves are awful, as well. You have "Se7en" (creative name, right?), who is constantly wailing in your ears in the most painful was possible. For the note; through almost every song, he screams the same thing over and over with no change in the way he does or the lyrics themselves. And then there's "Mikl" (...what?), who raps really really badly into your ears and causes more bleeding than Cannibal Corpse and Insane Clown Posse combined. And finally, we have "Phat J" (How clever...), who growls in a way that would make Nergal of Behemoth want to bury him alive with how horrendous it sounds.


But! They have four members, don't they? Ah yes, how can we forget "Antz" (Wow...)? The guy who doesn't so shit except control the lights and smoke effects on stage. So, basically, on record, he's useless. Phat J does all of the synth stuff, so don't think Antz is there for the only part of this album that is slightly musical.


Is there anything redeeming about this album at all? Well, it's kinda catchy. But these definitely aren't songs I want stuck in my head all day.

I really question how these idiots developed such a massive fanbase, but hopefully those folks will all come to their senses soon enough. 


TL;DR: The most pathetic excuse for "music" you can find today. It's an absolute disgrace to screamo, and an even bigger disgrace to the music industry.
  
Key Tracks:

• None, they're all horrible.
  

What The F*ck Is Up With Modern Music?

Who here remembers the days when MTV actually was "Music" Television? Back before it was flooded with boring reality shows and only an hour or two of music a day? MTV used to be the shit. Hell, it's the place where I first saw Michael Jackson's Thriller, which, as you all know, is arguably the greatest music video ever (Zombie MJ is awesome). But, does anyone really watch MTV anymore? Except for stupid drunk college students who are too hung-over to care what's on T.V.? 

So, that brings a question: When MTV actually does show music, what do you see, or maybe I should say, hear? Do you hear melody, maybe some harmony, some smooth vocals, a powerful message, and a great beat? No. No you don't. What do you hear? I don't know what's in your ears, but I hear this: 

"And if she tell you 'yes'/Found another chick that tell you 'yes' and bail for sex/I bet that will be freaky/What's bad are you kinky?" - Juelz Sanatana's "Freaky".

I'm not kidding you, either. Rap and hip-hop (There's a difference?) are all you hear anymore. Whether it be on T.V., or on the radio. I can't seem to find any quality music that takes real talent to produce anymore. Not on the mainstream, at least. 

Even at school, as I walk through the parking lot on my way home, I hear at least six cars a day blasting some god-awful rap as loud as they can. You want the best part? All I can hear is the bass. Even if I'm walking right next to the car, and the windows are opened, I can still only hear bass. Nothing else.  Really? That's supposed to be enjoyable? I love my music loud, yes, but I want some layering to it! If it's so loud that all you can hear is the bass, then what's the point? A lot of dumbasses like that also seem to enjoy driving around my neighborhood blasting the same crap. 

Another thing; Why does every rap song I ever hear sound exactly the same? It's always "Random Stereotypical Black Guy 14" talking really fast into a microphone about how he smacked his bitch up, smoked a shit-ton of crack, and shot some cops all at the same time. Sure. That's enjoyable. I'd rather listen to Cannibal Corpse (see previous post). I know exactly why it's all so similar.

After a bit of research, I've come to the understanding that most rap artists just walk into the studio and "lay down some rhymes". There's no writing, no planning, and really, no thought processes. It's just, "I'm gonna go talk into this microphone about some random crap and get paid to do it." When that's all the technique one puts into their song writing, of course they're going to end up plopping out the same shit over and over and over again. Humans have the tendancy to believe that they can always come up with something unique and random on the spot, but they really don't. Believe it or not; whenever someone you do something "random", you probably just did the same thing you did the last time you tried to be random. That's why rap is always the same thing. These "artists" behind the microphone don't seem to understand what "art" is in the first place. Art is a thing that takes time, and it cannot be rushed. And it certianly can't be done in an instant.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Dude, you listen to Death Metal. That's just wailing and screaming and pounding on a double-bass all day. How is that any different than what rap artists are doing?" Allow me to explain: The primary difference between Metal and Rap is the presence of melody. Very few rap artists actually take advantage of melody or harmony. We don't see that in Metal. Do you think those rythym guitarists are just there to be a back-up in case the lead screws up? No. They add melody, and a whole new layer to the music that I've yet to hear in rap. As for the screaming; Look, this may sound rediculous, but roaring isn't easy. Especially to keep it up for an entire set (Cradle of Filth, anyone?). I don't know anyone that can't talk really fast into a microphone, but I've yet to hear one of my friends do a death roar as spectacularily as Dani Filth or Fernando Ribeiro.

Then there's the idea of instrumentals. Something rap often lacks. Metal requires great skill in guitar or drum playing (Unless, of course, we're looking at a vocals-only member), as metal often incorporates far more complicated rythyms than a lot of other genres. About the drums; look, I know double bass may sound stupid, but it is not easy. Especially when you have a more complicated rythym to pound on the rest of the drums with. It requires some extreme coordination.

To talk lyrics: A lot of metal artists actually put thought and time into their lyrics. Despite the stereotypes, it isn't all just "FUCK THE WORLD!". There are actually some very interesting lyrical themes spread throughout the sub-genres. For instance; Cradle of Filth's last album Godspeed On The Devil's Thunder, was about 15th century serial killer Gilles de Rais. No, I'm not shitting you. Let's see a rap arist make an entire album about that with their "writing" style. And no, "Yo dat man Gilles, he came and killed a buncha bitches" doesn't count.

Please, people, turn off the rap bullshit. It's getting old. Here's to real music!

Review - Butchered at Birth

Oh, Cannibal Corpse, you sicken me so. The first thing that clued me in on your existence was the cover to "Tomb of the Mutilated", which didn't exactly make me want to run out to the store and buy your new album. I've heard many mixed reactions from both critics and regular people alike on these death-metal maniacs, but the few things that I've heard have not impressed me in the least. I finally decided to sit down and listen to one of their albums in whole. While Butchered At Birth may be 18 years old (Yea, they've been around that long), from what I can tell, the critics think it's their best album (And they didn't like it that much), so I figured I'd give this one a shot.

It's a thirty-six minutes that I'd kill to get back.

I heavily question what the hell these people were smoking when they decided to write these songs. When I saw the title of the opener, Meat Hook Sodomy, I was turned off. My media player has a lyrics app that automatically found the lyrics, and I attempted to read through them with the song. While doing this, I came across two strong issues:

1. These lyrics suck. Every single song on the album - and probably all of their other albums as well - are all about disgusting acts of murder and violence. The band claims that they're all songs that could easily be turned into a horror movie. But, seriously, if I wanted to hear something violent and horrific, then I'd go watch a horror movie, not listen to a metal album!
2. I was often thrown off while reading the lyrics with the song by the fact that their vocalist doesn't seem to know what multiple syllable-words are. Even if they're written in, the ear sore-causing roaring skips over the last syllable in any word that has more than one. Seriously.

There's pretty much only one thing outside of vocals that can be taken into account on a metal album: Instrumentals. I have never, EVER, heard a more sorry excuse of guitar and drum playing. Every single song as an opener that gets my hopes up ever-so slightly, but then they fall like a rock. Why? Because after the semi-impressing opening, it resorts to "NUHNUHNUHNUHNUHNUHNUH" on the guitar, and the classic, "SNAREBASSSNAREBASSSNAREBASS" pattern on the drums. I'm not kidding, it's like that on EVERY. SINGLE. SONG. After the first three songs, one really, really can't help but want some variety in the instrumentals... or the vocals, for that matter.

Please, don't think I went into this without an open mind. I hated Cannibal Corpse before I listened to this, yes, but I really did try to give them a chance. Well, I did give them a chance, and they failed. Miserably.

TL;DR: Generic instrumental noise and disgusting lyrics make for an absolutely pathetic performance. Don't buy this. Ever.

Noteworthy Tracks:

• None. They're all awful.
  

The Local Flare - Violetta

Violetta is a band that formed in Columbus, Ohio, a mere twenty minutes from my small town home. When you first see their lineup - a group of four guys and a female vocalist - your first thought is probably "Oh God, another Paramore rip-off." Let me tell you, they're anything but that. Violetta is undoubtedly one of the most impressive groups I've heard to date, both on record and live.

I have seen them twice, once at their first public show at a club in Columbus, and again this Wednesday at a surprise performance at Away Band Camp (For the note: Their lead guitarist, Austin Covey, was a fellow trumpeter who graduated last year), both were incredible impressive performances.

Their first and only EP, Are We There Yet?, shows just what the band is made of. It features four tracks, all of which are a thrill to hear. Lead vocalist Brooke Weirick powers through the album with a voice that easily rivals that of Evanescence vocalist Amy Lee. No kidding, she's that good. The guitarists all move with her vocals, and Austin rips some amazingly impressive solos. Of course, we can never forget their drummer, and he plays his part wonderfully, keeping the beat in a fun and interesting way, and does some impressive work with the bass.

You can purchase Are We There Yet? on iTunes for $3.96 (excluding tax), and I highly suggest you do that right now. They're a band that any Alternative Rock fan needs to check out. You wont be disappointed.

Violetta links:

MySpace

Twitter

My Top 5 Album Covers (For Now)

Oh, the essential album cover. It's quite possibly the most important part of an album outside of the music itself. It's the one thing that can make someone browsing the local music store go, "Hm... this looks interesting. I think I'll buy this," and end up putting fifteen more bucks in the artist's pocket. Always nice. I, personally, cannot stand to go without the album artwork being displayed on whatever media player I'm using - on or off my computer. So, I'd like to visit some of my favorite album covers, and why they captured my interest to the point of listening to the album.

#5 - The Black Parade

My Chemical Romance's third album was definitely their best work, and it had the oddest covers of the three. The little Skeleton-Drum Major dude was rather a cheerful guy, considering he was dead. The inside covers look even stranger, and the way the tracks are listed on the back is creative and unique. It's a little misleading, as I wouldn't expect an album with that guy on the front to potentially save my life with it's awesomeness.

#4 - Godspeed On The Devil's Thunder

I'll be blunt: I have no fucking idea what's going on here. Cradle of Filth's eighth studio album makes as little sense as it's cover, but damn does that cover catch your eye. The five-faced dude in the center, and the numerous monsters and disturbing children surrounding it make one creepy-ass scene.

#3 - Ultra Beatdown

While many criticize Dragonforce for the fact that all of their songs sound almost exactly the same: It's fun music. Their 2008 release, Ultra Beatdown, features that armor-clad chick with the huge-ass gun. Guns and boobs, what else do you need to make customers - at least male ones - pick up your album? I know it grabbed me. This was a fantastic album, too.

#2 - Year Zero

Trent Reznor (A.K.A. Nine Inch Nails) may quite possibly become one of the most influential figures in modern music. His daring acts, such as releasing his last album for free, have led him not only to the top of the headlines, but also to the top of the sales charts. Year Zero, the album before his free one, was an extremely impressive endeavor. The strange alien hand-thing coming from the sky that holds the spot on the cover is complicated, and makes... pretty much no sense. But it's cool to look at.

#1 - Crack The Skye

To put it simply: I love Mastodon. As I explained in my review of this album (previous post), their bizarre mix of different genres brings an amazing sound, and some of the most impressive things we've seen from metal artists in the last decade. Crack The Skye's album art caught my attention from the moment I saw it heading their MySpace page. It's colorfulness and bizarre artwork well represents the album itself, and confuses you, just like the album. Were I looking at this in a store, even if I had never heard of Mastodon before, I still would have bought this album simply because of how crazy it's cover was.

... so, that's it. For the record; I'm gone at band camp till Thursday. So no posts until about Friday, maybe Saturday. Not sure yet. G'bye, kids!

Album Review - Crack The Skye

Mastodon is a rather complicated band. They fail to fit into any specific genre, as their unique blend of Prog. Rock, Symphonic Metal, and Power Metal brings out a very imaginative sound that completely separates them from the norm. Crack The Skye is the latest endeavor from Mastodon, and it's by far their best work.

From the beginning, Crack The Skye proves to be something truly amazing. The opener, Oblivion, captures your attention with some amazing blending of the three different vocalists. They switch off seamlessly, and quickly lead themselves into a vocalized game of Catch. Tossing the parts back and forth, leading into the chorus with glory. This awesomeness continue through the entire album, and the occasional screaming portion doesn't take away from the smoothness of their voices. On lyrics; there is a wonderful performance out of whichever member(s) of the band do the writing. The words fall straight into one another, and form amazing stories and messages that are simple, but oh so sweet.

The thing that pulls Mastodon away from the typical metal band so much are the instrumentals, and they continue that in this new addition to their discography. The guitarists play like they really, truly want to be heard, and nothing quite beats the Banjo solo at the beginning of Divinations. The drummer doesn't abuse his bass too much, as many other metal bands are victim of (*cough* Cradle of Filth *cough*), and keeps some good variation in his playing, but never gets boring. None of the instrumentalists that also have vocal parts (Three of the four members) seem to be hindered by the multiple parts, although that may have been a recording trick. No matter, it's still kick-ass.

To put it in TL;DR form: Crack The Skye is without doubt, glorious. It will capture your attention from start to finish, and loses quality at very few moments throughout. Get this album, you will not regret it.

Key Tracks:

• Oblivion
• Divinations
• Crack The Skye

I Hate My Life And This Music Makes It Better

Well, as the title of the blog suggests; I listen to a lot of depressing music. Is that a good thing? Sometimes. I enjoy it, even if it does put me in a cruddy mood from time to time. But, one can only have so much depressing music, and it has to be balanced out if you don't want to go off and kill yourself because Evanescence told you to. While it may seem like almost all music these days talks about some kind of depressing occurrence like a breakup, or maybe you were simple called a "fag" at school. Well, believe it or not, in that never ending sea of depressing music, there is some happiness out there.

For myself, that happiness is in My Chemical Romance. While a lot of people are under the misconception that MCR is an "emo" band that promotes self-harm and suicide in their lyrics, it's actually quite the opposite. Not only does the band often say that they want to "save kids lives", their lyrics are very peppy and encouraging. With lyrics like "Singin' songs that make you slit your wrists/It isn't that much fun," or "I am not afraid to keep on living/I am not afraid to walk this world alone," or of course, the ever amazing bridge of their single Welcome To The Black Parade:

"Do or die! You'll never make me! Because the world will never take my heart! Though you try, you'll never break me! We want it all, we wanna play this part. I wont explain, or say I'm sorry! I'm unashamed! I'm gonna show my scar! Give a cheer, for all the broken! Listen here! Because it's who we are! Just a man, I'm not a hero, just a boy, who wanna sing his song! Just a man, I'm not a hero! I. Don't. Care! We'll carry on!" (Totally wrote that entirely from memory. Hellz yea)

Lyrics like that from MCR, and a plethora of others, always manage to make me feel better whenever I'm feeling like shit. Seriously, ignore anything you hear about them being an emo suicide cult, because that's all bullshit. I find it ironic that they're often known as the opposite of what they really are, but it's the sad truth.

Unfortunately, there are MCR fans that mistake their lyrics for ones that promote self-harm. In 2008, a young british girl, Hannah Bond, hung herself. She had apparently been slitting her wrists for some time prior to her suicide, and had developed quite the obsession with My Chemical Romance. A tragic incident, really. But, the Daily Mail, a british tabloid, accused MCR of being a "suicide-cult", and that "The Black Parade" is a place where Emos believe they would go when they die.

lolwut

I didn't think it was possible to suck that much at reporting, and actually have a reporting job.

Seriously, though, don't listen to any of that bull. MCR really is a band that want's to save your life. If you're ever feeling like crap, for whatever reason, don't hesitate to find some My Chemical Romance to brighten your day.

Suggested songs from My Chemical Romance to make your life better (But the others are all good, too):

• The End./Dead!
• Welcome To The Black Parade
• Famous Last Words
• The Sharpest Lives
• Give 'Em Hell, Kid
• Cemetery Drive
• I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
• Teenagers
• House Of Wolves

Enjoy your life! Suicide is cowardly and selfish! ... and cutting yourself is just dumb.

Album Review - Evangelion

Behemoth is typically regarded as one of the best Death Metal bands to come out of Europe. Their heavier-than-the-Earth-itself musical style has captured metal heads everywhere since their debut. Evangelion is no exception. From the very first track, you are treated to intense guitar riffs, the sound of double-basses being slammed till their pedals break, and Nergal's intense roaring, all at the top of their game.

The lyrics - something the band has always been known for - continue to be impressive. Nergal's writing succeeds in being cryptic, but not so much that you can't understand what the song's subject is. The writing is beautiful, and when you can actually understand what the hell Nergal is wailing, it's a thrill to hear. Speaking of Nergal; I've never heard a better roar. His deep, and louder than hell voice carries on wonderfully throughout the entire album. It still amazes me that this guy is only 32, yet has such an incredibly deep roar.

To talk instrumentals; Orion, Nergal, and Seth all give an amazing show. The few solos that dot the album are both written and executed amazingly, and really show the skills of the guitar trio. Otherwise; it's the cliché heavy-metal "NUHNUHNUHNUHNUHNUHNUHNUH" throughout pretty much the entire album, which was a bit of a letdown, but it can be made up for. I can say only a few things about the drums; Inferno must have the strongest legs and arms in Death Metal history. I have yet to hear someone abuse their snare drum more than in this album, and it would not surprise me in the least if he had to replace his bass pedals on more than one occasion while recording, or the drums themselves.

Overall; Evangelion is an absolute triumph of metal. It's a tremendous feat for the band, and is definitely a 1-up from their last album, The Apostasy, which was mediocre at it's best moments.

Now, if only they could stop all of the controversy with the video "Ov Fire and the Void."

Key Tracks:

• Shemhamforash
• Ov Fire And The Void
• Defiling Morality Ov Black God
  

Behemoth "Ov Fire And The Void" from Metal Blade Records on Vimeo.

It Starts.

What starts? Hell if I know.

Oh, wait, this blog starts... yea, that was it.

In that case; Greetings, my miniscule amount (Zero as of this post) of readers! This is I Hate My Life and this Music Tells Me Why, a blog dedicated to the dark, stingy, and sometimes depressing music I listen to! No, I'm not a totally goffik Satan-loving-blood-drinking moron, don't worry.

Now, what music is that, you might ask? Anything heavy, double-bass filled, and loud, pretty much. My iPod is populated with almost every subgenre of Metal, even the completely random "Blackened Death Metal" (Seriously, WTF?). That doesn't mean I wont open myself up to other genres, however. I'm a huge fan of Alt. Rock bands like My Chemical Romance, Evanescence, and Papa Roach. Punk Rock is also a personal favorite of mine, with bands like Green Day and The Offspring. Otherwise, though, I don't listen to much, Michael Jackson works his way into the mix here-and-now, but he's the only exception I'll ever make for Pop.

My brain tells me that at this point, you're thinking, "What the fuck is this kid saying?" Well, I have your answer! ... sorta.

This blog is all about the music that plagues my ears every day, good or bad, and will consist of many things: Album reviews, general news, some random features or "Top 5s", all complete with my own personal opinion on the subject matter, because you all really care about that... right? Some personal non-musical things will be littered about, as well. When will the first REAL post be? Soon enough. Probably later tonight when I can't hear Fallout 3 calling me from the next room.

The first actual post will be a review of the album Evangelion by BEHEMOTH.