Review - Butchered at Birth

Oh, Cannibal Corpse, you sicken me so. The first thing that clued me in on your existence was the cover to "Tomb of the Mutilated", which didn't exactly make me want to run out to the store and buy your new album. I've heard many mixed reactions from both critics and regular people alike on these death-metal maniacs, but the few things that I've heard have not impressed me in the least. I finally decided to sit down and listen to one of their albums in whole. While Butchered At Birth may be 18 years old (Yea, they've been around that long), from what I can tell, the critics think it's their best album (And they didn't like it that much), so I figured I'd give this one a shot.

It's a thirty-six minutes that I'd kill to get back.

I heavily question what the hell these people were smoking when they decided to write these songs. When I saw the title of the opener, Meat Hook Sodomy, I was turned off. My media player has a lyrics app that automatically found the lyrics, and I attempted to read through them with the song. While doing this, I came across two strong issues:

1. These lyrics suck. Every single song on the album - and probably all of their other albums as well - are all about disgusting acts of murder and violence. The band claims that they're all songs that could easily be turned into a horror movie. But, seriously, if I wanted to hear something violent and horrific, then I'd go watch a horror movie, not listen to a metal album!
2. I was often thrown off while reading the lyrics with the song by the fact that their vocalist doesn't seem to know what multiple syllable-words are. Even if they're written in, the ear sore-causing roaring skips over the last syllable in any word that has more than one. Seriously.

There's pretty much only one thing outside of vocals that can be taken into account on a metal album: Instrumentals. I have never, EVER, heard a more sorry excuse of guitar and drum playing. Every single song as an opener that gets my hopes up ever-so slightly, but then they fall like a rock. Why? Because after the semi-impressing opening, it resorts to "NUHNUHNUHNUHNUHNUHNUH" on the guitar, and the classic, "SNAREBASSSNAREBASSSNAREBASS" pattern on the drums. I'm not kidding, it's like that on EVERY. SINGLE. SONG. After the first three songs, one really, really can't help but want some variety in the instrumentals... or the vocals, for that matter.

Please, don't think I went into this without an open mind. I hated Cannibal Corpse before I listened to this, yes, but I really did try to give them a chance. Well, I did give them a chance, and they failed. Miserably.

TL;DR: Generic instrumental noise and disgusting lyrics make for an absolutely pathetic performance. Don't buy this. Ever.

Noteworthy Tracks:

• None. They're all awful.